Overcoming Obstacles

andreas-fidler-400356-unsplashWorking with women has shown me that the healing path can often be a rocky one. However, it is my hope that after reading these steps, you find that while you once equated raising your daughter through adolescence unscathed to a death-defying, daunting climb up Mount Everest, now you envision it more like a slow, steady climb of a majestic, but safer mountain. As far as your own healing is concerned, you may have once thought all the healing you could do was done, or worse, you thought that you could heal the cracks in the porcelain only so far. You now see that you can regenerate and renew your mind, body, and soul.

But old habits die hard, sister. As all the research shows, those habits of mind whether they are tired, old phrases you say to yourself or old habits of not fully taking care of yourself, those thoughts and feelings have taken years to carve neuropathways into your brain. Some experts say it takes anywhere from 45-66 days to develop new habits. When you have a number of different habits, it can be daunting to take it all on at once.

One of the greatest obstacles is doubt. As a survivor, you may have internalized your pain to the extent that you doubt your value as a person. You are so comfortable with doubt that life will feel funny without this security blanket to carry around with you to protect you from fully opening up. You have lived years doubting yourself and doubting that you can achieve full happiness. Have faith in yourself by looking at all of your sisters who have overcome tremendous excruciating pain. You can do this.

I have found that working with women in circle is one of the most powerful ways to heal. However, if you feel more comfortable you can enlist the help of a friend who is also on the path to self-healing. Develop a system where you hold each other accountable for self-care on all fronts. At the beginning of your journey, map out your goals, either visually through drawing a mind map (a diagram using images and words to brainstorm) and/or writing down what you wish to manifest in your life and what you wish to manifest for your daughter.

While it can take time to find women with whom you truly connect, finding sisterhood is possible. I have found in my work that there is power in finding real in person sisters, but online sisterhood can be very healing as well.

This is a short excerpt from the book, The Way of The Warrior Mama. Official book launch date is December 11, 2018. Get your copy now!

Foster Self-Love

Foster self-loveOne way to foster self-love is to join a group of women or sister goddess mamas among whom bragging is not just encouraged, it’s expected. One key component of the training in the networking groups that sprang from the former Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership in Women, founded by Naomi Wolf, is teaching women how to openly talk about their accomplishments and strengths and to commend their female peers for doing so. They encourage speaking about one another by sharing their female colleagues’ assets and skills with another person. In other words, networking.

The ideology behind Woodhull and other women’s leadership groups is for women to achieve full equality in the workplace and elsewhere where they have to learn the same skills their male counterparts learn from an earlier age. For example: how to negotiate a salary, why competition can be a good thing, how to public speak, etc. Forcing yourself to talk about your strengths is a great way to start liking yourself. In Mama Gena’s weekly classes, we had to come with a brag each week. Anything from, I took a luscious bath or I bought myself some expensive lingerie to I got a new job, and then everyone would applaud. It was such a good way to boost each other up. That kind of stuff starts to seep in!

This is an excerpt from the book, The Way of The Warrior Mama, to be released December 11, 2018.

The Path to Protection

Domestic Violence Awareness MonthIn honor of October being National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, here’s a short excerpt from Chapter 3 of my book, The Way of The Warrior Mama.

You do not need have to have experienced rape or sexual trauma to feel scared and anxious about how to protect your teenage daughter. You and I know all too well that my story and that of countless other females (and males) is far too common. Where is the middle ground between burying our heads in the sand and hoping our daughters emerge from adolescence relatively unscathed (which, sadly, means still probably experiencing an unwanted, demeaning touch, remark, or cat call in the street by virtue of being female), and being in a perpetual state of panic and policing our girls, forever anticipating the worst and sheltering them from every possible danger? The question remains: how do we protect our daughters? After speaking with experts, wise older crone mamas, and younger mamas—some trauma survivors, some not—and learning from my own healing journey, I’ve created a general roadmap with major landmarks to guide you and help keep you and your daughter on track.

Our desire to protect our young starts in utero. Even before our child is born, we parents are in protection mode, worrying about how to keep the unborn fetus safe from all the various evils, including unhealthy diet, BPA products, raw seafood, etc. While there are many different parenting philosophies rest assured that if you want some guidance, you can find a book to help you. You can find many books on how to parent an adolescent, too. What parenting experts, therapists, experienced mothers, and women survivors all emphasize is teaching your children boundaries and using their voice. Girls need to know that their voices will be heard early on, long before the teenage years.

Learn more about my book here.

 

Received Merit Award at the CIPA EVVY Awards August 25, 2018

2018 CIPA EVVY Merit AwardOn August 25, 2018, The Way of The Warrior Mama received the CIPA EVVY Merit award in both the Parenting and Family category and the Self-help category. The awards dinner was fun and a nice validation. I also connected with a fellow author. So over all, it was well worth attending the awards dinner!

Learn more about the book and how to stay connected here.